


Good.

by seungminnies (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, But he should, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Homophobia, Hurt No Comfort, Kim Seungmin-centric, M/M, Social Anxiety, bc i felt THAT, im sorry, its kinda up to u isnt it, literally a vent fic, lying, scales - Freeform, seungmin doesn't want help, yh im sorry.. i should be updating my other seungmin centric fic but thats NOT happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 13:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21036971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/seungminnies
Summary: Seungmin wished he could escape everything, and while opening the heavy metal door, he tried not to show how much he struggled. It wasn't their problem, after all. Especially not Baekhyun. He knew how much his friend had been through. He was once Iljun and Seonjae's target. He was once like Seungmin. But he got better. Seungmin thought, for a second. Maybe he would be able to get better too, if he started eating again. Just the thought of any food going near him currently gave him the urge to throw up. Maybe Felix could help. Maybe Felix could do something, anything, to make Seungmin better. But Seungmin had always been afraid.





	Good.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! IMPORTANT ! ! ! ! ! ! if you didn't read the tags, there are mentions of an ED that seungmin is struggling with, and a past one that baekhyun had. also, tw: homophobic language.  
(also, the formatting is kinda weird if ur not on a phone, soRRY!)  
-seungminnies <3

Seungmin was cold. Cold as the linoleum floor of the small closet he managed to slip his tiny body into. Cold as how his mother had described him in the morning, even after piling under all of the heavy layers of clothes, to cover his sickly thin body. He couldn't tell if tears streaming down his face, or that was in his imagination. A lot of things were, nowadays. Seungmin didn't know that Felix had been looking for him for the last 15 minutes, but Seungmin didn't know a lot of things. He felt his stomach shrink as he imagined what they would do once he was found. No, not Felix. Them.  
Maybe it would finally be his end. But, Seungmin didn't feel like going now, going looking like this. Seungmin wasn't sure how he'd fix it, but he wanted to look good for his last day. He heard heavy footsteps outside the closet and held his breath. Maybe they'd go away. Seungmin doubted it, but he hoped. He felt more tears stream down his face as the door opened roughly and almost hit his knee. There was a moment of silence, and Seungmin cherished it. "Yeah, the fag's not in here. Where the fuck else could he be?" He heard a voice, and in an instant he recognized it. Iljun. The voice in Seungmin's head whispered, who else would it be? "Listen, Iljun, we need to find this fag or else the guys he was with earlier are gonna find us, and you've seen the muscles on those guys. We'll get the shit beat out of us." That was Seonjae. Truthfully, Seungmin wished it was anybody else. The door slammed shut and he could hear more pairs of feet running down the hall, looking for him. He hugged his arms tighter around himself and shut his eyes tighter.  
Seungmin didn't know how long he sat there, but it felt as though his legs wouldn't work if he attempted to move them. It felt like hours had passed by, but Seungmin was always told he was dumb, so why would he believe himself? He couldn't hear any other kids passing by, walking to class. But then again, he's sure it was the end of the day by now. Fuck, he thought. Seungmin was sure that Felix was still looking for him, not caring about the responsibilities he was sure he had. The door opened once more, but Seungmin wasn't prepared this time. The janitor stepped in. Oh, so that's where this is. Seungmin stood up, leaning against the wall to balance himself. His legs felt like jelly. He gave a half-assed smile to the janitor before walking out, where anyone could see him, and possibly know that he cried his eyes out in a closet.  
Seungmin wasn't looking for anyone in particular, but he couldn't say that his eyes weren't scanning the crowds for a certain blonde. He walked through the halls, having memorized them long ago, he was able to walk through them without lifting his head once. A direct path to his locker, where he would grab his belongings and leave this hell hole. But once again, Seungmin always had to overthink everything. What if the girl standing next to his locker, not looking in his direction once, judged him? What if a teacher came out and yelled? What if, there were so many what-ifs. Seungmin was thrown out of his thoughts by an announcement he couldn't hear being said, and Seungmin worried once more. What if they were calling for me? What if my father is here? What if they find me? Seungmin rushed towards his locker, chancing a glance towards the girl standing next to him, only to see she was gone.  
"Seungmin!" As soon as his voice was called from further down the hall, Seungmin shot up, and he was nothing short of relieved when he saw his friend, Baekhyun.  
"Hey, I didn't see you again during class. Did those fuckers do something again? I can get Chanyeol to beat them up for you." They had just clicked when Seungmin transferred here, and a lot of people expected them to become friends. Something like, they both look like puppies. Seungmin didn't see it. But he couldn't deny that Baekhyun was cute. Seungmin shook his head slightly, but he wasn't quick enough to completely clear Baekhyun's worries. "Gosh, why can't they just leave us alone? At least I have Yeollie to protect me, and that's why I'll protect you, Min." Baekhyun gestured for him to grab his stuff from his locker, and they stood in silence. As soon as Seungmin was done, Baekhyun began walking off, Seungmin's wrist held tightly by Baekhyun's small hand. They were almost at the door when two guys walked up to them. Seungmin didn't have to turn around to know who they were, and neither did Baekhyun.  
"Aish.." was the only thing to come out of Baekhyun's mouth. "Can you guys leave us the fuck alone? If you don't leave now, I'll call Chanyeol, and you remember what happened last time!" Baekhyun finished speaking, and he turned around, only to open his mouth in shock. It wasn't Iljun and Seonjae, it was very much not them. Felix and Chanyeol were standing right in front of them, Chanyeol with a smirk on his face and Felix looking very sweaty, his hair mussed about. "Am I your knight in shining armor, babe?" Chanyeol said, before becoming serious. Felix spoke. "Are either of you guys hurt anywhere? We took care of Iljun and Seonjae." His deep voice resonated throughout Seungmin, and he was quick to say no. Felix looked to Baekhyun for an answer, but all he got was Chanyeol pulling Baekhyun against him so tightly that Seungmin was worried for his friend.  
Seungmin glanced to the floor, unsure of where to go from here, and Felix spoke, quietly, but his voice just as deep. "Can I speak to you, Seungmin?" Everything in Seungmin told him to say no, but he didn't want to let Felix down. "Yeah, of course." Seungmin was nothing short of scared when Felix grabbed his upper arm to pull him closer to the door, where he would then begin speaking. He worried Felix could feel how thin he was, but he wanted more. All of the times someone had told him that he was only destroying himself, all he wanted was to tell them that he knew, and that's only what he wanted. But we wouldn't. Seungmin supposed he was weak like that, after all.  
"Seungmin, I just wanted to say, Iljun and Seonjae said some stuff, about you being gay. And I'm guessing that's what they've been making fun of you for, right?" Felix's voice got somehow softer. All Seungmin wanted was to say no, that's not why. But he couldn't say it. He nodded.  
Felix smiled, a soft smile. "Well, I just wanted to tell you, I'm also gay, so if that makes you feel better, I understand. And, well, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are together so.." Seungmin's mouth felt dry. He didn't think he could articulate how he was feeling into words, so he nodded, and smiled. What he was expected to do, especially by his father.  
They walked back to the door, and they each said goodbye before leaving. Seungmin wished he could escape everything, and while opening the heavy metal door, he tried not to show how much he struggled. It wasn't their problem, after all. Especially not Baekhyun. He knew how much his friend had been through. He was once Iljun and Seonjae's target. He was once like Seungmin. But he got better. Seungmin thought, for a second. Maybe he would be able to get better too, if he started eating again. Just the thought of any food going near him currently gave him the urge to throw up. Maybe Felix could help. Maybe Felix could do something, anything, to make Seungmin better. But Seungmin had always been afraid.  
That night, Seungmin walked home, afraid of what would happen. But there was nobody. Nobody was home, and Seungmin realized it was Friday. Nobody was home, because they were all with people, important people, definitely more important than Seungmin. Seungmin swallowed, walking up the stairs to his room. He could only hope that today would be a good day for his mind, too. He threw his bag near his door and locked it. A precaution. He tore off the rest of his school clothes, and moved to look at himself in the full-body mirror. But all he could see was nothing. He was nothing. He turned away from the mirror, he walked to his bed before crouching. He stuck his hand under the bed, swinging it wildly before finding what he was looking for. The scale. He made sure to breathe, before stepping on. 110 lbs, the scale read.

Good, was Seungmin's last thought.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading.. sorry if it seems detached. any kudos/comments are appreciated.


End file.
